you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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