He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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