im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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