just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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