I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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