he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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