Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
