I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
