he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
