I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
