It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
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