you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize