38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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