sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
