I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
