I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize