so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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