I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
