Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
