fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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