mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
