Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
