guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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