just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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