someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
