Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
