Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
