How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
