when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
