Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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