Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
