I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
