Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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