Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
