The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize