so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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