How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
