We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
