Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
