I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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