The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
