you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
