Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
