We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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