Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
