I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
