I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize