I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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