Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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