There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
