For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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