i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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