Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize