After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
