What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
