thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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