Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
