Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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