I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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