His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize