I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
