Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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