Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just found puke in my bra..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
