I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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