Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
