im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
