You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
