Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
