The maid of honor just puked.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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