i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it's like iHOP with fire
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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