Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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