I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize