is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
