Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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