I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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