I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize