how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
