Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
