I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
