Me. At least after what I've been through.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
