Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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