is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize