Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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