You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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