I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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