i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize