I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize