why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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