I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
