Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
