I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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