Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
