Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
