So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
