I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
