I will die if light touches me.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
