If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize