Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Bring me that man meat
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
