I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
