Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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