You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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