drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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