He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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