There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize