i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
