I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
