Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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