Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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