hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
