So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
