I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
