At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
