Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
