i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
