explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Vodka?
Forever.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize