I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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