Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
