The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize