I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
