I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize