my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
