im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
