Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
